Home on a Thursday

It's 12:52 pm on a Wednesday in May. I'm home because it's 102 degrees...at least for my son it is. He woke up with a happy disposition, but a high fever. So, I have some time between working on my religion requirement and Blue's Clues and the laundry and sibling refereeing to write a bit.

It's weird to be home on a weekday. I'm actually glad that it worked out this way. Again, because I don't have enough to do as it is, I'm standing in for the principle hair & make-up artist at the Rubicon Theater in Ventura. I stood in for him last year during the Rubicon's production of The Diary of Anne Frank. This time around it's for a premier production of My Antonia. I'll be completely MIA here at home for the next 4 days. Despite the circumstances (sick baby) I get to spend some quiet time with my children. At least this way I know they won't forget who I am over the next few days. 

Everything is fine otherwise. I'd like to announce that there's a Marble Slab Creamery going in directly across the street. I'm melancholy happy about it...happy because it's my favorite ice creamery next to Haagen-Daz, and melancholy because I don't eat milk anymore. Too bad they don't have a sorbet-ery. I'd be all over it. I'm happy, too, that they're also building a Yolanda's AND a 24-Hour Fitness...I'm stoaked, just without ice cream. I suppose if there ever came a time when I absolutely needed a stomach ache or I'd die, I could run across the street. That's always an option.

Hope you're all well. More later.

Pa - j.

Things As They Are...

It's hot. It's 9:39 pm and it's hot. Windows open. Kids in bed with t-shirts and chonies. It's the only option for comfort when you realize any other clothing will make you a sweaty sleeper. 

It's quiet with the exception of the cars roaring past depending on the signal pattern. Growing up near Pacific Coast Highway as a girl I became used to it; the sound of the cars don't bother me, in fact they serve as my calm drone that lulls me to sleep at night. 

The sound of the cars and the sound of deep breathing...these are the things as they are. Quiet and still with the occasional noise.

I've learned this week that things are not always as they seem. That karma is real and keeps a better account than most. I've learned that when it comes to matters of the heart, you must trust what you feel beyond what seems logical. Fear is evident in most hastily made decisions...and it leaves deep and lingering holes in the lives of all involved. I also learned that true forgiveness is equally deep and remarkably powerful in every application. Granted, this forgiveness may take a LONG time to encompass every layer of inflicted hurt, but it penetrates everything that you allow and brings a sweet, almost tangible peace. Forgiveness is generated by love...love of God, love of fellow man/humanity, love of self and love for others. It is possible to be dragged through the pits of seeming hell and come to a realization that you survive and can decide on how you'll look at that experience and how it will affect you. It's possible to feel absolute contempt for an individual on one hand and then compassionate understanding and release for every wrong and every hurt provoked by the same. We don't always forget...simply because we use the experience to learn and grow, but we can forgive and achieve a personal serenity. The more we let go the more room we make for love and light in our lives...I have a lot of that.

I have so much for which to be thankful...my family being at the center of my gratitude. I'm grateful to have these 3 little children in my life...to be close to them...to know them and see them developing as little people. I remember serving my mission, humbled to be invited to witness the miraculous transformation of individuals learning about Christ and feeling close to Him. Being a mother and spending this time while my children learn and grow is such a parallel to that experience...I am humbled to be invited to the constant events of their growth. I feel a depth and an overflow of love all at once. It's not perfect, but it's really, really good.

We're healthy and happy and surviving the warmth...for now we have all we need.

Love you all. Be well. Keep in touch.

J.

Zoo Pals

It's been forever since we've been to the Zoo. Lola told earlier this week that Bob the Builder would be at the Zoo this weekend. Because my little girl was a HUGE Bob the Builder fan for the longest time, Mike and I thought it would be a good surprise to take them this afternoon.

I had a few errands to run prior to going up. Justus and Emry kept trying to guess the surprise. We stopped by Ventura College for me to speak with the Math Chair. "Is THIS the surprise, Mom?" "Yes. SURPRISE!!! I know how much you LOVE statistics!!!" Sometimes it's fun to throw them for a loop like that. I have to quickly set it straight, "No. Math is not the surprise." We went to get gas and wash the car. "Is THIS the surprise, Mom?" "Yes. SURPRISE!!! I know how much you LOVE to watch the car get clean!!!...No. The Car Wash is not the surprise." Half way through Carpenteria Justus asked if the drive was the surprise. "No, honey. The drive is not the surprise." When we got to the Zoo they thought that was it. It wasn't until Bob came out and Mike and I said "SURPRISE!" that they realized this was one of the special elements of the day. For the most part, everything was well received. It's funny though that little girl has Mike wrapped around her finger. He carried her much of the day mainly because she would bat those blue eyes of hers and ask him ever so sweetly if he would hold her. Next thing I know he's carried her half way around the Zoo. It's all in love, so it's not a big deal, just funny.

Lame

Every so often I try to update this blog-gig...and to no avail, it fails right as I finish or add an interesting picture. So, to those who think I've shirked my blogging responsibilities, I blame technology for my failure to update effectively. Forgive me, none the less.

The bottom line? (Seeing as I've had some less-than-good luck with being able to successfully upload my info and that may happen again here...you never know.) Things are good. Kids, work, life and love are all generally good, although occasionally random and senseless...specifically with regards to work...and sometimes to kids, you know.

My beeb turned 3. He's beautiful and thoughtful and crazy smart. A singer with a remarkable ability to remember lyrics and tune. Familiar with shapes, colors and letters, he says things that make you look at him and question A) did you really just say that? and B) how old are you? He's amazing and engaging...just a joy. I adore him.

Emry is very VERY ready for school in September. She's high-spirited, but sweet and loving...and brave. She had to endure 5 shots last week...she freaked for 3 of them, but the last two were without tears and brought a weak, "Yeah, that was fun." out of her. She's beautiful and growing more and more every day. She's a big fan of coloring, painting, perfecting the use of scissors and general office supplies (paper, staplers, etc.). She's majoring in play-doh and conflict stimulation (amongst her brothers) and serves as default ring-leader in the absence of her older sibling. She's amazing and I thoroughly love and enjoy her.

Justus started baseball a couple of weeks ago. He's into the whole practice routine and learning the ins-and-outs of the game. I've not enrolled him in any other sports since he played soccer when we were in Arizona, so he's behind the curve in some ways, which he totally makes up for in his eagerness and willingness to try and whole-heartedly give it all he has. It helps that he knows his coach so well (my cousin) and plays on a team with kids he knows. He's excited to just play and I'm proud of him for that. One thing, though...he is fascinated by his cup...which makes me shake my head and think, right...this is what i missed by not having brothers. I missed the whole cup thing...I think I'm okay with that. It's just funny when he says, "Look, Mom!" knock, knock, knock (usually with a bat or some other object that would seriously damage). And I'm certain he's all about it because the other boys on the team think it's cool that for once they can do that without falling over in pain. Whatever. It's weird and amusingly awkward to me, but part of that sport and growing up, I suppose. He's still reading, playing the piano and doing very well in school. He's preparing for baptism in August and very excited about that day. I'm blessed with the calling as his Sunday School teacher...and quite honored by the close involvement I have with him and the other little girl in his CTR 7 class in preparing them for such an important and special day. I love him and am grateful to be so close to him.

So, life progresses...and I'm/We're rollin' with it.

Happy. Healthy. Sane (relatively). ;)

Love you all.
J.

2 Hours and 45 Minutes

Southern California is burning. The sun and sky is red. The clouds overhead spew ash. Schools and freeways are closed...this is the LEAST opportune time to have to take someone to the airport. Typically an hour, ONE WAY took me 2 hours and 45 minutes. Freeways all over were closed...and I had a choice to make - get freaked out about it and stressed...or let it be. I chose the latter.

Freeway time, actually, serves me as a thinking moment. There are a number of issues at hand to consider...not only in my personal life, but in the world...and with fires raging all around me and natural displays which are very prophetic-like I had a chance to really delve into where I stand. I didn't have to fish for dropped cups or some processed snack in a travel bag. I didn't have to flip through cd's to find "My Songs, Mom". I didn't have to do anything but focus on the car ahead of me...and I wasn't mad about it, so I could gain some insight and perspective there on the 405 with my cruise control set at 11 miles per hour.

I don't want to go into what I thought about or what realizations I've made, just that there needs to be time to consider, or ponder. I hear parents talk all the time about "teaching" moments; that you must watch for the opportunities to do so. And we ask people around us to THINK about things...okay, so FINE - THINK. But this was different...this was consideration as NPR discussed political, diplomatic and foreign policy issues in addition to the issues regarding California's own state of emergency. There don't seem to be enough hours in a day to have time to ponder and consider...in a quiet place for more than 20 or 30 minutes where a thought can construct a pattern and really take the route of a process...and perhaps arrive at a conclusion. It's brilliant.

So I lied, I will tell you a smidge of what I thought about...the non-offensive ME things that I thought about - the elements of necessary change within my own life. I don't want to discuss my deliberation on political affiliation right now.

I thought about where I was a year ago - attending CLU and working 2 jobs, falling in love, and coming to the end of my rope with a disenchanting work situation. People just kinda left me alone during those times. I've had more people ask me in the last month about my singing...and (embarrassingly enough) I was taken aback...oh right, I sing. I remember that. I think my last real performance was at the Christmas Program up in Ojai last December. I need to sing more. ALOT more. But then there's the flip side of it...the opportunity. There's a matter of making it happen...a matter that I've not taken into my own hands...that may need to change. I've had people ask me about photography...oh right, I'm a freelance photographer...dang, I almost forgot that one, too! Somebody came to me for watercolor painting techniques...it was STRANGE to sit at a table and try to explain value and painting mechanics...it was like I had forgotten I was a painter. It's true that the once strong muscles of skill that we don't use will atrophy and wain. My change has to do with remembering the many aspects of talent and agency that exist within us. A very surprising discovery.

It's amazing what traffic can do for you, huh?

4 Months Later

Yes, I realize that I've not blogged in 4 months. I'm not sitting in a classroom 3 nights a week anymore, so my blog time has been reduced significantly. I'm suddenly stripped of those hours where I waltz in and out of attention to theories of special education, technology in the classroom, biology and methods. I found during those frequent hours that I could wander between conceptual rhetoric and practical life...considering those elements of both that were relevant and absurd. Now that work is in full swing and kids are getting back to school I am without doodle-time, if you will. But there is much to be said in terms of progress and for that, I can offer a few glimpses of the moment.

Justus is starting 2nd grade tomorrow. He's lost a whole lot of teeth...they're starting to fill in and he can eat corn on the cob again...which is kinda funny. He's tall. He's smart. He's mine.





She's a talker. Smart as a whip and engaging. She's certainly not shy...but she has this innate practicality when she talks to new people...and then she likes them and wants to play...even in dentists offices...it's kinda funny. She begins her second year of preschool on Friday...big beautiful girl. And yes, her hair is short...because she cut it herself and it had to be fixed...



He's quite the conversationalist...and rather observant. He's huge and darling. He has this high pitched voice...and you can't help but melt when he says he loves you too, or misses you too...little pumpkin.

So the short of it is that all is well. Children are getting bigger every day. Work and love and life are better than could ever be expected. Happy. Healthy. Just without doodle time.

Love you all. Be Well. Keep in Touch! xo - j.

I did it.

I walked the line on May 12. Despite the fact that I have 2 classes to finish this summer, CLU considers me a graduate. I've decided NOT to go into School of Education for my Masters as of yet. I'll be able to use my degree within the capacity of my job - that's a good thing.

It was a beautiful ceremony. I was a bit emotional - I certainly didn't expect that. We were lined up in alphabetical order and our families were given maps to know our whereabouts. It was cool. Before we were seated we had to walk through a gauntlet of faculty who applauded us. It's crazy to think that I started this journey 2 years ago and now it's done. It's crazy to think...I did it.