Tuesday, October 23, 2007

2 Hours and 45 Minutes

Southern California is burning. The sun and sky is red. The clouds overhead spew ash. Schools and freeways are closed...this is the LEAST opportune time to have to take someone to the airport. Typically an hour, ONE WAY took me 2 hours and 45 minutes. Freeways all over were closed...and I had a choice to make - get freaked out about it and stressed...or let it be. I chose the latter.

Freeway time, actually, serves me as a thinking moment. There are a number of issues at hand to consider...not only in my personal life, but in the world...and with fires raging all around me and natural displays which are very prophetic-like I had a chance to really delve into where I stand. I didn't have to fish for dropped cups or some processed snack in a travel bag. I didn't have to flip through cd's to find "My Songs, Mom". I didn't have to do anything but focus on the car ahead of me...and I wasn't mad about it, so I could gain some insight and perspective there on the 405 with my cruise control set at 11 miles per hour.

I don't want to go into what I thought about or what realizations I've made, just that there needs to be time to consider, or ponder. I hear parents talk all the time about "teaching" moments; that you must watch for the opportunities to do so. And we ask people around us to THINK about things...okay, so FINE - THINK. But this was different...this was consideration as NPR discussed political, diplomatic and foreign policy issues in addition to the issues regarding California's own state of emergency. There don't seem to be enough hours in a day to have time to ponder and consider...in a quiet place for more than 20 or 30 minutes where a thought can construct a pattern and really take the route of a process...and perhaps arrive at a conclusion. It's brilliant.

So I lied, I will tell you a smidge of what I thought about...the non-offensive ME things that I thought about - the elements of necessary change within my own life. I don't want to discuss my deliberation on political affiliation right now.

I thought about where I was a year ago - attending CLU and working 2 jobs, falling in love, and coming to the end of my rope with a disenchanting work situation. People just kinda left me alone during those times. I've had more people ask me in the last month about my singing...and (embarrassingly enough) I was taken aback...oh right, I sing. I remember that. I think my last real performance was at the Christmas Program up in Ojai last December. I need to sing more. ALOT more. But then there's the flip side of it...the opportunity. There's a matter of making it happen...a matter that I've not taken into my own hands...that may need to change. I've had people ask me about photography...oh right, I'm a freelance photographer...dang, I almost forgot that one, too! Somebody came to me for watercolor painting techniques...it was STRANGE to sit at a table and try to explain value and painting mechanics...it was like I had forgotten I was a painter. It's true that the once strong muscles of skill that we don't use will atrophy and wain. My change has to do with remembering the many aspects of talent and agency that exist within us. A very surprising discovery.

It's amazing what traffic can do for you, huh?