Sunday, April 27, 2008
It's hot. It's 9:39 pm and it's hot. Windows open. Kids in bed with t-shirts and chonies. It's the only option for comfort when you realize any other clothing will make you a sweaty sleeper.
It's quiet with the exception of the cars roaring past depending on the signal pattern. Growing up near Pacific Coast Highway as a girl I became used to it; the sound of the cars don't bother me, in fact they serve as my calm drone that lulls me to sleep at night.
The sound of the cars and the sound of deep breathing...these are the things as they are. Quiet and still with the occasional noise.
I've learned this week that things are not always as they seem. That karma is real and keeps a better account than most. I've learned that when it comes to matters of the heart, you must trust what you feel beyond what seems logical. Fear is evident in most hastily made decisions...and it leaves deep and lingering holes in the lives of all involved. I also learned that true forgiveness is equally deep and remarkably powerful in every application. Granted, this forgiveness may take a LONG time to encompass every layer of inflicted hurt, but it penetrates everything that you allow and brings a sweet, almost tangible peace. Forgiveness is generated by love...love of God, love of fellow man/humanity, love of self and love for others. It is possible to be dragged through the pits of seeming hell and come to a realization that you survive and can decide on how you'll look at that experience and how it will affect you. It's possible to feel absolute contempt for an individual on one hand and then compassionate understanding and release for every wrong and every hurt provoked by the same. We don't always forget...simply because we use the experience to learn and grow, but we can forgive and achieve a personal serenity. The more we let go the more room we make for love and light in our lives...I have a lot of that.
I have so much for which to be thankful...my family being at the center of my gratitude. I'm grateful to have these 3 little children in my life...to be close to them...to know them and see them developing as little people. I remember serving my mission, humbled to be invited to witness the miraculous transformation of individuals learning about Christ and feeling close to Him. Being a mother and spending this time while my children learn and grow is such a parallel to that experience...I am humbled to be invited to the constant events of their growth. I feel a depth and an overflow of love all at once. It's not perfect, but it's really, really good.
We're healthy and happy and surviving the warmth...for now we have all we need.
Love you all. Be well. Keep in touch.