Saturday, July 26, 2008
It's one of those days where there's so much in my head but not a lot to say...I'm contemplative of roads and journeys...and this wilderness. Sorella said many, many years ago based on her own studies, that we each endure a personal wilderness similar to that of Adam and Eve, Christ, the pioneers, etc. It struck me back then as it does now...there's a journey for each of us to take. An individual path laden with happiness and sorrow. These paths switchback and for awhile we walk together, but there are clearly times when we walk with no earthly companion. This path is not the hardest thing I've done, but it's difficult and emotional. I'm uncertain of outcome and process...
I've made poor choices in my life...from which it has been challenging to recover, but it comes. It's very easy to fall into the "shoulda-coulda-woulda" rut...and I'm certain that my choices with school and work, etc. have played into the experiences I've collected to handle the present circumstances. Despite all of this experience, I still fall short and make decisions that (in hindsight) needed deeper consideration. I recognize that there were/are times in my life when I am in the wilderness because I chose to go there...and still I'm not alone.
The beautiful part about being a member of a functional family is that you always have a place. I think every human being has that innate part of them that seeks to belong to something. We desire meaning or purpose. I remember clearly the day that I knew without question that I belonged to God...and that all of the people around me did, too. It means something to me to feel that powerful belonging. I know he knows who I am...I know he knows who YOU are...and not in a general way, but in a specific way. He knows your face. He knows your name. He knows all of your joys and disappointments...your strengths and your weaknesses. This is where I can take comfort. It doesn't make me better than anyone else...this knowledge is a fortification, not a claim of superiority. This knowledge is like knowing how to read before the person next to you - it's a common knowledge thing that everyone will come to realize at some point in the course of their entire life...in a different way...in a different season.
The point of all of this is that regardless of your wilderness, regardless of your particulars, there is a greater hope and the point to the journey. Regardless of mistakes or rebellion even, (though not encouraged) there is love...we decide.
Be at peace. Be still. Be loved.
I promise less philosophy in the next post. xo - j.