I've realized that my limitations and humanity are scary clear when I'm hungry or tired. I'm amongst friends, so I can openly write about my many elephants in the middle of the room. I can be patient and fairly storybook mom-ish from time to time. I know what to say and do when things happen. I understand the nuances of my kids' personalities, their various strengths and weaknesses, how to deflect them, nourish them, encourage and challenge them...BUT (ooh, that's big) you get me on a day when I'm tired...or hungry...and I'm a brat. All former "progressive parenting" styles are OUT THE WINDOW. It's survival of the fittest. 3 of them and 1 of me and I have to be last man standing - no other options.
This thing called sleep is one of my greatest allies...but I'm so longing for it most of the time. Seriously, I'm like...NAP ADDICTED. I had to get my fix in today because I was TOTALLY falling asleep at my desk. Not good when the CFO's panoramic view includes a bird's eye view directly at me. Oh, hi, powerful upper-management man! Thought I'd catch a few zzz's this afternoon. You don't mind, right? Ooh...a pink slip? It was either fry my computer with my forehead to the keys, or steal 12 minutes in the car. Car won. I hit the snooze twice. Good as new. Now it's 9 and I'm a pumpkin. Sleep. So much to do, but I love my cozy, warm sleeping haven. Love it.
Shortage of zzz's equal a relative increase in grrrr's. Inevitable. Even at work. I'm much more sarcastic and punchy. Oh, it's possible, really, I do it every day and the more I do it, the better and more effective I become at being bratty. No, I don't plan on changing it. I plan on going right on with my bratty self. Complaining and moaning...well, not exactly. I'll go on with my snooze button and my whole-hearted snoring when the occasion calls for it.
The point is this: listen to yourself. Bratty = probably not the best you that could be. We won't argue that, BUT (Oooh, big!!) we never feel GREAT after bratty session. Listen. Forgive. Give yourself what you need. Breathe deeply. Start over again. Everything becomes better with practice, but practice the good, worthwhile things...I shouldn't be so proud of my bratty sarcasm...but right now I'm tired, so deal with it.
Love, love, grouchy love,
j.
2 comments:
We all have our limitations. But lucky for you, you are completely aware of what they are. Others aren't so lucky...my included. Sometimes I look back on a situation and wonder how I let it get so far?
Love you.
One word: Perspective. We let things go usually because of our frame of mind at the time. I do this a LOT. I love that saying about "Nobody said it would be perfect." I know there's an easy one, too...but that won't work with my analogy, so go with me...No one said WE would be perfect, either. (No one said I would be easy takes us on an entirely different track, right? But I digress...) No one CAN be perfect, so we can't reasonably expect ourselves to handle things the BEST way ALL the time. Taking a step back it's clearer...the irony is that usually we can't step back until something is done to realize the implications. You are amazing and truly make great efforts in all you do. Things mean a different thing on a different day. Success, fail, whatever - love yourself anyway. Embrace your learning. Breathe deeply.
I swear I need to be a yogi. I sound all zen-like. :)
Love you, too!!! Grateful for you.
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