He is Amazing

He's 8...and he's made that decision to be baptized. He prepared and prayed...he interviewed and considered...and as of yesterday, he's done it. It was a beautiful day. 

He's always been an amazing kid to me. Even when he was born he had this little face and these eyes that were full of intent. He's not aggressive or harsh. For the most part he's very mellow and easy-going. He has this kindness about him, too...he's forgiving and tender. I love these things about him.

His confirmation blessing was powerful...everything about 

yesterday was powerful.

I feel greatly blessed to have him in my life. I feel honored to be present and a deep responsibility to prepare him well for the things that will come.

Thank you, friends and family for your support in all things!

The Quarterly

It's one of those days where there's so much in my head but not a lot to say...I'm contemplative of roads and journeys...and this wilderness. Sorella said many, many years ago based on her own studies, that we each endure a personal wilderness similar to that of Adam and Eve, Christ, the pioneers, etc. It struck me back then as it does now...there's a journey for each of us to take. An individual path laden with happiness and sorrow. These paths switchback and for awhile we walk together, but there are clearly times when we walk with no earthly companion. This path is not the hardest thing I've done, but it's difficult and emotional. I'm uncertain of outcome and process...

I've made poor choices in my life...from which it has been challenging to recover, but it comes. It's very easy to fall into the "shoulda-coulda-woulda" rut...and I'm certain that my choices with school and work, etc. have played into the experiences I've collected to handle the present circumstances. Despite all of this experience, I still fall short and make decisions that (in hindsight) needed deeper consideration. I recognize that there were/are times in my life when I am in the wilderness because I chose to go there...and still I'm not alone.

The beautiful part about being a member of a functional family is that you always have a place. I think every human being has that innate part of them that seeks to belong to something. We desire meaning or purpose. I remember clearly the day that I knew without question that I belonged to God...and that all of the people around me did, too. It means something to me to feel that powerful belonging. I know he knows who I am...I know he knows who YOU are...and not in a general way, but in a specific way. He knows your face. He knows your name. He knows all of your joys and disappointments...your strengths and your weaknesses. This is where I can take comfort. It doesn't make me better than anyone else...this knowledge is a fortification, not a claim of superiority. This knowledge is like knowing how to read before the person next to you - it's a common knowledge thing that everyone will come to realize at some point in the course of their entire life...in a different way...in a different season. 

The point of all of this is that regardless of your wilderness, regardless of your particulars, there is a greater hope and the point to the journey. Regardless of mistakes or rebellion even, (though not encouraged) there is love...we decide.

Be at peace. Be still. Be loved.

j.

I promise less philosophy in the next post. xo - j.

Home on a Thursday

It's 12:52 pm on a Wednesday in May. I'm home because it's 102 degrees...at least for my son it is. He woke up with a happy disposition, but a high fever. So, I have some time between working on my religion requirement and Blue's Clues and the laundry and sibling refereeing to write a bit.

It's weird to be home on a weekday. I'm actually glad that it worked out this way. Again, because I don't have enough to do as it is, I'm standing in for the principle hair & make-up artist at the Rubicon Theater in Ventura. I stood in for him last year during the Rubicon's production of The Diary of Anne Frank. This time around it's for a premier production of My Antonia. I'll be completely MIA here at home for the next 4 days. Despite the circumstances (sick baby) I get to spend some quiet time with my children. At least this way I know they won't forget who I am over the next few days. 

Everything is fine otherwise. I'd like to announce that there's a Marble Slab Creamery going in directly across the street. I'm melancholy happy about it...happy because it's my favorite ice creamery next to Haagen-Daz, and melancholy because I don't eat milk anymore. Too bad they don't have a sorbet-ery. I'd be all over it. I'm happy, too, that they're also building a Yolanda's AND a 24-Hour Fitness...I'm stoaked, just without ice cream. I suppose if there ever came a time when I absolutely needed a stomach ache or I'd die, I could run across the street. That's always an option.

Hope you're all well. More later.

Pa - j.

Things As They Are...

It's hot. It's 9:39 pm and it's hot. Windows open. Kids in bed with t-shirts and chonies. It's the only option for comfort when you realize any other clothing will make you a sweaty sleeper. 

It's quiet with the exception of the cars roaring past depending on the signal pattern. Growing up near Pacific Coast Highway as a girl I became used to it; the sound of the cars don't bother me, in fact they serve as my calm drone that lulls me to sleep at night. 

The sound of the cars and the sound of deep breathing...these are the things as they are. Quiet and still with the occasional noise.

I've learned this week that things are not always as they seem. That karma is real and keeps a better account than most. I've learned that when it comes to matters of the heart, you must trust what you feel beyond what seems logical. Fear is evident in most hastily made decisions...and it leaves deep and lingering holes in the lives of all involved. I also learned that true forgiveness is equally deep and remarkably powerful in every application. Granted, this forgiveness may take a LONG time to encompass every layer of inflicted hurt, but it penetrates everything that you allow and brings a sweet, almost tangible peace. Forgiveness is generated by love...love of God, love of fellow man/humanity, love of self and love for others. It is possible to be dragged through the pits of seeming hell and come to a realization that you survive and can decide on how you'll look at that experience and how it will affect you. It's possible to feel absolute contempt for an individual on one hand and then compassionate understanding and release for every wrong and every hurt provoked by the same. We don't always forget...simply because we use the experience to learn and grow, but we can forgive and achieve a personal serenity. The more we let go the more room we make for love and light in our lives...I have a lot of that.

I have so much for which to be thankful...my family being at the center of my gratitude. I'm grateful to have these 3 little children in my life...to be close to them...to know them and see them developing as little people. I remember serving my mission, humbled to be invited to witness the miraculous transformation of individuals learning about Christ and feeling close to Him. Being a mother and spending this time while my children learn and grow is such a parallel to that experience...I am humbled to be invited to the constant events of their growth. I feel a depth and an overflow of love all at once. It's not perfect, but it's really, really good.

We're healthy and happy and surviving the warmth...for now we have all we need.

Love you all. Be well. Keep in touch.

J.

Zoo Pals

It's been forever since we've been to the Zoo. Lola told earlier this week that Bob the Builder would be at the Zoo this weekend. Because my little girl was a HUGE Bob the Builder fan for the longest time, Mike and I thought it would be a good surprise to take them this afternoon.

I had a few errands to run prior to going up. Justus and Emry kept trying to guess the surprise. We stopped by Ventura College for me to speak with the Math Chair. "Is THIS the surprise, Mom?" "Yes. SURPRISE!!! I know how much you LOVE statistics!!!" Sometimes it's fun to throw them for a loop like that. I have to quickly set it straight, "No. Math is not the surprise." We went to get gas and wash the car. "Is THIS the surprise, Mom?" "Yes. SURPRISE!!! I know how much you LOVE to watch the car get clean!!!...No. The Car Wash is not the surprise." Half way through Carpenteria Justus asked if the drive was the surprise. "No, honey. The drive is not the surprise." When we got to the Zoo they thought that was it. It wasn't until Bob came out and Mike and I said "SURPRISE!" that they realized this was one of the special elements of the day. For the most part, everything was well received. It's funny though that little girl has Mike wrapped around her finger. He carried her much of the day mainly because she would bat those blue eyes of hers and ask him ever so sweetly if he would hold her. Next thing I know he's carried her half way around the Zoo. It's all in love, so it's not a big deal, just funny.

Lame

Every so often I try to update this blog-gig...and to no avail, it fails right as I finish or add an interesting picture. So, to those who think I've shirked my blogging responsibilities, I blame technology for my failure to update effectively. Forgive me, none the less.

The bottom line? (Seeing as I've had some less-than-good luck with being able to successfully upload my info and that may happen again here...you never know.) Things are good. Kids, work, life and love are all generally good, although occasionally random and senseless...specifically with regards to work...and sometimes to kids, you know.

My beeb turned 3. He's beautiful and thoughtful and crazy smart. A singer with a remarkable ability to remember lyrics and tune. Familiar with shapes, colors and letters, he says things that make you look at him and question A) did you really just say that? and B) how old are you? He's amazing and engaging...just a joy. I adore him.

Emry is very VERY ready for school in September. She's high-spirited, but sweet and loving...and brave. She had to endure 5 shots last week...she freaked for 3 of them, but the last two were without tears and brought a weak, "Yeah, that was fun." out of her. She's beautiful and growing more and more every day. She's a big fan of coloring, painting, perfecting the use of scissors and general office supplies (paper, staplers, etc.). She's majoring in play-doh and conflict stimulation (amongst her brothers) and serves as default ring-leader in the absence of her older sibling. She's amazing and I thoroughly love and enjoy her.

Justus started baseball a couple of weeks ago. He's into the whole practice routine and learning the ins-and-outs of the game. I've not enrolled him in any other sports since he played soccer when we were in Arizona, so he's behind the curve in some ways, which he totally makes up for in his eagerness and willingness to try and whole-heartedly give it all he has. It helps that he knows his coach so well (my cousin) and plays on a team with kids he knows. He's excited to just play and I'm proud of him for that. One thing, though...he is fascinated by his cup...which makes me shake my head and think, right...this is what i missed by not having brothers. I missed the whole cup thing...I think I'm okay with that. It's just funny when he says, "Look, Mom!" knock, knock, knock (usually with a bat or some other object that would seriously damage). And I'm certain he's all about it because the other boys on the team think it's cool that for once they can do that without falling over in pain. Whatever. It's weird and amusingly awkward to me, but part of that sport and growing up, I suppose. He's still reading, playing the piano and doing very well in school. He's preparing for baptism in August and very excited about that day. I'm blessed with the calling as his Sunday School teacher...and quite honored by the close involvement I have with him and the other little girl in his CTR 7 class in preparing them for such an important and special day. I love him and am grateful to be so close to him.

So, life progresses...and I'm/We're rollin' with it.

Happy. Healthy. Sane (relatively). ;)

Love you all.
J.